marți, noiembrie 11, 2008

Anger Management

Am trecut de la nevoia de a sti de ce, de la garla de intrebari pe care i le-as fi pus [si la care nu mi-ar fi raspuns in veci]… la ura…
E mult spus ura, ca nu-l urasc de fapt… doar ca nu mai vreau sa aud de el si nu mai vreau sa ma aud pe mine cum nu mai pot de dorul lui, cat de mult as vrea sa fim iar impreuna… si toate prostiile cu care i-am impuiat capul lu’ L. zilele astea, de nici nu stiu cum ma mai suporta.

Nu stiu care e cuvantul potrivit pentru starea de acum si sentimentele pe care le incerc [sau ele ma incearca pe mine? nu stiu cum era…]. Dar e un progres, asta e sigur.

S-a intamplat brusc, de la ce nici nu ma asteptam. Am recitit ultimele 'taifasuri’ pe net, de dinainte de tacerea asta totala… si mi-am adus aminte cat a fost de inflexibil si egocentric, cat de mult valoreaza pentru el niste obisnuinte pe care le-a capatat in copilarie [si care sunt total nepotrivite pentru varsta si statutul pe care le are acum] in comparatie cu dorintele si nevoile mele. Mi-am adus aminte pentru ce a renuntat la relatia asta de fapt.

Si mi-am dat seama [pentru a nu stiu cata oara] ca sunt o proasta.

Adica el e incapatant si absurd si calca pe mine pentru niste ambitii prostesti, si tot eu ma rog de el cu cerul si cu pamantul sa 'ma ierte’ [pentru ce naiba?!?] si sa-mi mai dea o sansa!! Si tot eu plang ca proasta cand el nici macar nu poate sa zica 'du-te dracu’ in reactie la mesajele cu care l-am intoxicat toata saptamana trecuta!!

Arghhhhhhh!!
Femeile astea!! Niste proaste!! Toate?

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luni, noiembrie 10, 2008

?!?

Azi sunt la 'varsta’ de ce-urilor. Azi vreau sa inteleg de ce se intampla toate astea.
Nu simt ca am gresit atat de mult incat sa fiu invinovatita si tratata astfel. Iar daca toate astea nu sunt din vina mea, atunci a cui?
De ce?
De cand?
Mai e mult?
O sa mai pot?
O sa mai vreau?
O sa mai stiu?
Si pentru ce?

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duminică, martie 16, 2008

Fear

Mi-a fost frica de relatia cu S. Si din cauza asta am ratat-o.

Citeam undeva un indemn: iubeste ca si cum nimeni nu te-a facut sa suferi vreodata. Iti trebuie mult curaj sa faci asta. E drept ca ai primi in schimb o multime, numai sa poti sa te detasezi suficient de tot ce-a fost odata, de tot ce ti-a ramas in suflet si care te leaga de picioare de fiecare data cand vrei sa faci un pas mai indraznet.

Mai vreau o sansa!

Imi trebuie putin curaj, altfel n-o sa obtin niciodata nimic din ce-mi doresc cu adevarat. Pentru ca chiar nu merit nimic din ce n-am eu incredere ca mi se cuvine. Il meritam, si puteam sa-l am, dar n-am indraznit sa cred ca e adevarat. Si acum nu mai e adevarat :(

N-am indraznit sa-mi iau all inclusive la Hilton, mi se parea prea show off. Ma intreb cat o sa regret ca am facut economie de 100 de euro. E drept ca m-am gandit mai mult la L., care si asa face un efort mare sa mearga cu mine. Nici nu stiu ce m-as fi facut acum, daca ea nu putea sa mearga. Nici macar bucuria asta n-o mai aveam sa ma ajute sa trec peste... inca o luna.

Stiu ca suna a slogane de spalare de creier, de psihologie ieftina de taraba, dar cred ca e adevarat. Daca tu crezi in tine si in ce poti sa obtii, vei obtine. Daca drumul pe care mergi e plin de gropi si praf, trebuie sa ai curajul sa-l schimbi, si sa crezi ca meriti sa mergi pe unul mai bun. Daca tu crezi ca mergi pe un drum presarat cu petale de trandafir, le vei simti mirosul.

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joi, ianuarie 31, 2008

I'm NOT sorry!

Yes, I’m the shallow one that cannot understand how the hair-dresser is such an accomplished character. I am the one that judges people by what they do. If what you do does not represent who you are, why the hell do you do it? Don’t tell me that you don’t have a fucking choice… There’s always a choice. That’s what got me into this mess: making all the wrong choices, every bloody time. I wonder how long until I would have had it with everything, until I get fed up with all the bullshit and the disappointments, until I pass on to a different state… and what state would that be...

Am I really to be blamed if I can’t fall in love with a guy who works as a salesman in a retail store? Even if he is clever, good looking and fun… I simply can’t imagine myself spending cosy evenings with someone who wakes up after 10 a.m., goes to a job suitable for a sub-unitary IQ, and then spends the evening/night in a friend’s bar, dancing and drinking vodka till 6 in the morning. All this seems OK for the weekend, for holidays, for teenagers… but not for ‘him’…

Should I be sorry for being who I am? Should I apologize for thinking this way? It seems to be driving people away, and I probably should be considering changing perspective.

But then again…. you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit… :D

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sâmbătă, octombrie 13, 2007

Dating in Economic Terms. [*Sad*]

I got this one by e-mail from a friend. It freaks me out.
***
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms.
- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings.
- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain?
I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for this kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.
PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as aguy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, yourdepreciation accelerates!
Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold... hence the rub... marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
MY

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